Guest Post - Best advice for anyone wanting to timeshare a lover! by Yana Stajno - #Blogival

If you’re thinking of timesharing a lover – don’t.

Mind you, the adventure that could teach you more about yourself crossing the Atlantic in a canoe or spending a night on Ben Nevis in a blizzard and could be just as dangerous.

If you’re determined to try it, you must have your reasons. You might be too busy or timorous to run a lover on your own. You might think a human version of a carpool is sensible.  You might bored, or unhappy or crazy. But whatever you are, I have a few words of advice. 

Do it with a friend you don’t mind losing. The potential for falling out is great. Or do it with a stranger. However, it’s unlikely that they’ll stay a stranger for long.

Choose a candidate for lover carefully. Make a list of what you’re looking for with your friend or stranger and stick to it. If you agree on ‘intellectual and gentle’ then don’t be distracted by ‘silent and athletic’ however gorgeous a manifestation of male or female prowess they appear to be. (If you aren’t looking for a man, but for a woman, or a trans person, the same rules apply.)

Both you and your friend need to be there for the choosing. ‘Strong jawline and bedroom eyes’ on paper could be ‘rude and shifty’ in practice.

I think two people sharing one lover is enough. Involving more people could become so complicated you’d need an agency to run the arrangements. Although – running a global agency specializing in timesharing lovers might be a good career move.

Make sure the candidate knows the deal – whatever the deal is. My advice to keep money out of it. They should be happy enough to have a fun relationship with two adventurous women with no strings attached.  Although if you take him or her out to tea or lunch the bill is on you.

Choose your venue for timesharing in advance. Don’t use your own homes, is my advice. It's better to use another location. It’s hard to mix illicit, heady romance with the hoovering. You could mix the enterprise with a spot of house or cat sitting for a neighbor if you had to. But do install some version of a ‘panic button.’  You never know when you might need to make a run for it.

You might need medicinal doses of alcohol. Or chamomile tea.

You might also need to schedule in some ‘review’ meetings with your friend to iron out any teething or other physical problems.  Talking of physical problems, a session with an osteopath might be good after the first encounter.

Always answer each other’s calls no matter how cross you become.

Whatever else you do or don’t do, stay away from Love. It will blast everyone out of his or her comfort zones and this could become permanent.

If Love does make an unwelcome appearance, I can recommend a few excellent psychotherapists.

Don’t rely on me for any expertise, I’ve only written a book on the subject.

And most importantly, before you embark on this mad adventure – read Rules for Thursday Lovers. 

Thank you so much Yana Stanjo for those tips on how to timeshare a lover. I really enjoyed reading that and hope to read your book at some point in the future. 

Yana Stanjo reading from Rules for Thursday Lovers at Novel London

Author Bio

Yana Stajno was born in Zimbabwe of a Polish father and a French mother who met by chance on Brighton Pier after the war.  Yana the only child of this chance meeting and was educated in the bosom of the Catholic church by Irish nuns. She went to Cape Town University, became an Anti-apartheid activist, where she met her husband by chance too – in a riot. She lives in London and works as an acupuncturist, writer and artist.  She has written several plays and has had several short stories published. Rules for Thursday Lovers is her first novel.  

Rules for Thursday Lovers

Two friends, on the brink of midlife crisis, embark on a no-strings attached love affair with a major twist: they will share just one lucky man between them.
“Can I help you?” asked someone with a Yorkshire accent. “Possibly,” answered Fiona, unsure as to what she was really looking for in the whip and handcuff section.

When old school friends, Angie — a care home worker and mum of two — and Fiona — who has clocked up multiple failed marriages — bump into one another at a tipsy timeshare evening on a Thames barge, they bond over their respective boredom with life. Stale marriages, overbearing families and previous hopes and dreams now tragically confined to the top shelf, they crave the romance and excitement that their youth and all the movies had promised them (rather than the timeshare apartments on offer). Buoyed by the fast-flowing bubbles, a thrilling plan for sexual misadventure is hatched. Inspired by their surroundings, Angie and Fiona agree that while anyone can timeshare an apartment, timesharing a lover would be much more interesting. 

After placing an advert detailing the position available, men of all ages, backgrounds and nationalities — from an opera singer to a pickpocket — flock to London Zoo, the ladies’ chosen venue for auditions. One candidate in particular catches their eye, but may prove to be too close to home — and their husbands. To make sure they play fair, don’t develop feelings or go off piste completely, Angie and Fiona agree upon and sign a set of rules. But in affairs of the heart rules are often broken. 

A hilarious, yet heartfelt cakewalk as two women try to reinvigorate their romantic lives, Rules for Thursday Lovers juxtaposes the mundane responsibilities of getting older with our never ending thirst for affection and adventure. What begins as a stroke of mischief unravels in spectacular fashion - from a questionable Scrabble game to an impromptu trip to Baden Baden - as Angie and Fiona must quantify the real cost of romance and friendship. Stajno’s astute narrative will delight fans of comedy and women’s commercial fiction, making Rules for Thursday Lovers the perfect literary companion.

Links:
Amazon UK | Goodreads | Yana Stajno @Twitter | Fiona Gregoyan @ Twitter

I'm taking part in Clink Street Publishing's #Blogival a month long celebration of their books and authors. Please do follow along with all the fun, it promises to be an amazing event.